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2001-11-19 5:13 p.m. So... Yesterday i was at a party. It wasn't a house party, it was a small group of people...private, if you will...and it was supposed to be alittle different than it turned out...not better...not worse,you know just different. But as it turns out someone went and brought someone no one really knows. But that really didn't bother me...at first. But as the night went on we all started talking to her. She wasn't like us girls...at all... she was kinda dyke-ish...no maybe i should say...ummm...one of the guys. Which was really weird because there are no blurred lines like that in our group (there are Guys & Girls ... nothing else) It was weird, she has done in her life things i had always wanted to do,but never got around to doing.(although some of her stories sounded a bit like falsehood). But i wasn't jealous like i usually would be. And since my "friends" all knew that I would most likely be jealous, they took advantage of that situation to try and make me look like a idiot - Telling her i was jealous (untrue), wanted to be like her (untrue)and also telling her all of my ... well... business (boys). I'm not really sure why they did that, considering that it had nothing to do with what we were talking about and they didn't really no what happend. I'm not really sure why i'm still friends with these people, either. But after all was said (mostly about what a loser i am...which was true)i still wasn't feeling the need to hate her which was because I kinda felt like the part of my life when i wanted what she had was over. Which in itself really annoyed me because it's like nothing had been put in place of the old things that i wanted. So now i have no short term goal in my life any more. Hmmm. I don't really know what i want to do now. I mean i always said i would finish school before i was 17(i did) go to college (i didn't) go and have fun (i really didn't). Right now i can say i am in a place where i am living a life that is so unbelievably boring,boring, boring, that I have no idea what to do. I better be feeling better by my birthday in 10 days or you'll hear about me in the news. Just kidding...sorta. Oh and Happy Thanksgiving. ** This entry is deticated to my unspeakably spiteful "friends". If i didn't have to like you, believe me, I wouldn't ** |
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